Home Affairs In Africa

No matter where we grew up, those of us who have been raised by African parents have all experienced similar childhoods – or at least have a few things in common we can relate to. If not all, on of your parent, either your mum or dad must have a background history of being brought up in the village, Leaving behind their family and simple lifestyle and coming to town either to work or to advance their studies. And while at this, they’ve had to learn to adapt and adjust to a new culture, mingling and some of them ended up marrying or getting married to a metropolis. In my case, my mum was the metropolis, but her parents were not. So basically most of us have been raised according to traditional values.

Our parents were very strict. Looking back, whilst I have had to learn a few things the hard way, I am glad I did. As I am contemplating the idea of having kids of my own one day, I took a trip down memory lane, to sum up, some of the greatest life lessons have learned from my family.

1.Family

Growing up in an African family, your house is free for everyone. At some point, a relative, twice-removed, will be invited to stay for an extended period of time. You will probably never meet all of your extended family because there are just so many of them. If lucky enough you will meet in family functions. Religious attendance and practice is not an option, you need to attend all classes and be a member of something in the church. You will likely be raised the old-fashioned way -“you spare the rod, you spoil the child”. In your adulthood, you’ll largely be grateful for it and you’ll always be able to tell the difference between people who were raised the same way and people who were not.

Your siblings will be the first people to bully the crap out of you. Later on, you’ll realize that they were preparing you for a big bad world out there. If you cry while being accused of something, it is assumed that you are guilty. If your entire full name is being called, and your native language is also being spoken at the same time, the day shall not pass without tears.

If you mess up the entire family will come for you, those days there were no mobile phones so they literally come for you. Annoying as it was, am super thankful for this because I am still extremely close to majority of my family members which is a good practice, and am hopeful I'll pass the same knowledge to my children one day.

2. Respect

Everyone who is older than you is your “auntie” or “uncle.” Calling them by their first name is basically a crime against humanity. Your grandparents are the only people who can put your parents in their place. (And you will enjoy those moments.)

Your friends better greet your parents first when they see them or that friendship is pretty much over. R-E-S-P-E-C-T is H-U-G-E. Your parents are basically demi-gods. It doesn’t matter if you learned that the sky is blue. If your parents say the sky is orange, the sky is in fact, orange. At least, in their presence. God help you if you’re living under your parent’s roof and you yell at them, slam a door in anger, and/or curse in their presence. Yeah, May God help you. The youngest child will be blamed for everything….until he or she is able to talk. The youngest is also suppose to always ask for favors from the parents without any failures. The oldest child will be blamed for everything that the younger children do.

The juice and drinking glasses in the "special wall-unit" are for visitors no one should drink or touch them without permission. Always stand up when you see someone older than you standing. Your parents will call you from upstairs, downstairs, outside, etc., to hand them something that is literally 10 centimeters away from them.

3. Commitment

Sleepovers at friends’ houses are mythical tales or basically only happen when your parents have known the family’s family since the beginning of time. Another mythical tale – being in a serious relationship with anyone when you’re in your teens is a no-no. Until your parents believe you are on your ripe age, they will refer to anyone you are dating as, “your friend.”

At the right age, introducing a boyfriend or girlfriend to your parents is no easy business. First of all, there’s no such thing as bringing different boys or girls to your home. When introducing him or her to your parents you have got to make sure he is going to put a ring on it eventually or you'll end up marrying her. You will still be expected to have a traditional engagement/marriage regardless of where the person you’re marrying is from.

You will have maybe 3 conversations about sex with your parents – one when puberty starts to take its course, the second one when you start secondary school Biology, and the third one when you are about to leave home. They will all surprisingly sound like the Mean Girl’s quote, “Don’t have sex because you will get pregnant and die!” followed by “Do not bring shame to this family!." "Boys are bad period if you want to get pregnant early play with them."I wonder what boys were told about girls?

4.Hard work

Doing well in school is not an option and by doing well, parents have expectations that you will be the best at everything. Example: If you get 98%, they might ask, “What happened to the other 2%?” If you get a B, your parents will likely ask, “The person who got an A, do they have three heads?” Just do well in school.

Most African families are not aware of the words “holidays” or “time off." I know, personally, during holidays if you are not going to visit the village, you must have a timetable on how you will study during this holiday season, and at the same time how you and your siblings will divide the house chores. Playing time is also included in this timetable.

You will not leave your parents’ home without learning how to cook, so this was always tested well during these holiday seasons, because many households did not have house managers and if you did have one she was given full permission to allocate duties to you and your siblings.

5.Tenacity

You won’t realize how incredibly hilarious and somewhat bizarre your upbringing was until you reach adulthood. And you’ll burst out into tears of laughter when you’re sitting next to an African woman who is telling her child who probably just got a B, “So the person who got an A, do they have three heads?” Hang in there kid, they secretly boast that they have the best children ever, just not to your face.